Friday, March 28

More ham than man

After feasting on ham over easter i remembered something things i meant to write about earlier regarding obesity. I ate so much ham i would have been convinced it would lead to an early heart attack, except that i know ham in fact lowers your cholesterol. It's a secret, like the bottomless peanut bag, and the method to turn water into gasoline.

Item 1: a magazine cover with a heading lose 70 pounds by summer. How many people are there in this country walking thinking man i could really lose 70 pounds. I could understand most people thinking they could afford to lose a few pounds, but 70? If i was so overweight i wanted to lose 70 pounds i certainly wouldn't be taking my advice from a cheap magazine.

Item 2: A man recently lost 400 pounds bringing his weight down to an even 800. He hopes to slim down to a nice 260. Here's my question: How do you get up to 1200 pounds and then decide to go on a diet. If you wanna be an obese sack that's fine with me, i just don't understand how you could get so fat without realizing it wasn't for you. It seems to me once you've passed 400 pounds you've made a decision to be a big fatty. How is it that you hit 1,000 pounds and think well i'm pretty fat but i could still put on some more weight, and then you hit 1200 and you realize i'm too fat.

Item 3: to come.

3 Comments:

Blogger Aras said...

Man, that second item is funny. How did he lose the sait? can't be push ups. Even Arnold couldn't bench press 1,200 pounds!

What's he gonna do with all that extra skin? He should donate it to science.

4:39 AM  
Blogger Trashcan said...

Well he hasn't lost it all down to 6 hundred pounds. I would imagine weighing over a thousand pounds you would burn a huge number of calories just sitting around being alive, although i could be wrong. Maybe he could use the extra skin to make himself a new shirt. He could put on his skin shirt and walk into a restaurant with one of those no shirt no shoes no service signs and force them to serve him.

1:02 AM  
Blogger liepa said...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

i can now cross off "laugh until i cry" from my bucket list.

i just laughed so hard and so long at this post, that all of my colleagues ran over to see what was happening to me-- i had tears streaming to my face, and i was choking and couldn't breathe.

4:21 AM  

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